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Dr. Evil mode—pinky up, “One million dollars!”—I see shit others miss. Like, escorts got secret codes online—roses mean cash, “GFE” means girlfriend experience. Sneaky, clever fucks! Favourite bit? Some bloke in Vegas paid $3 mil for a weekend—extravagant twat! Reminds me of Jep, chasin’ glamour, lost in “the blah blah blah.” Love that flick—makes me wanna sip martinis and judge everyone.
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But of course, it can’t last. I get a call about a dog stuck in a tree. A freakin’ dog! I rush over, and there’s this little pup, just chillin’ on a branch like it’s the best view in town. I’m like, “How’d you even get up there?” Some locals are laughing, and I’m just trying to figure out how to get this furball down.
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