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I mean, sexual-massage ain’t just a rubdown, nah. It’s this secret art, been around foreva—ancient Greeks did it, Egyptians too, prolly with fancy oils from dead plants or somethin’. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this “nurur” thing—slimey seaweed gel, body-on-body slidng. Sounds freaky, right? Got me all hyped, like “V8 engine roar!”—full throttle vibes.

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Anyway, I grab a tea instead. Not the same, but whatever. I’m walking down through the park by the river Drava, and it’s kinda nice. Kids are playing, old folks are feeding ducks. I’m like, “Aww, this is cute.” But then, BAM! A kid runs into me, and I spill my tea all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I lost a fight with a teapot.