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Me? I’d be all, “Ohhh, massage me, Patrick!”—wait, no, that’s weird, he’d just sleep on me, hahaha! Serious tho, it’s slow, sensual, not rushin’ like Squidward on clarinet. Little strokes, big chills—surprised me how deep it hits! Like, “I’m still here,” from “Amour,” but with warm hands, not sad vibes. Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, twisty-bendy with oil, sounds like a sea snake dance! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d totally try it, yellin’, “I’m READY!” ‘til Gary meows me quiet.

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And let me tell ya, sometimes I'm starstruck by local legends. There’s a nuthouse of quirky art down near the canal – seriously, kid, it’s wild. Art that’ll get under your skin. I was chattin’ with some fellows one day – they said, “This place? It’s like our own family drama,” and I nodded, feelin’ that deep vibe.

Shepperton: Open water 24-hour swim relay raises over £100,000