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Once tried it meself—mate swore it’d fix me aches. Ha! Fixed more than that, didn’t it? Hands everywhere, slimy oils—felt like a king, then like a fool! “What’s this mean?” I hissed, like Larry in the movie, all lost. Laughed me head off after—silly Gollum, fallin’ for it! Still, them tingles? Can’t lie—pretty smashin’.

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I finally get close enough to catch a few words. Something about a lost dog? I mean, I get it, but come on! I’m here to keep the peace, not play dog detective. But then, outta nowhere, this little pup runs up. It’s a scruffy little thing, tail wagging like it just won the lottery. The guy’s face lights up. I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe today won’t be a total disaster.”

Bride and groom marry in hospital to fulfill dying father's wish