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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a tractor driver, haulin’ ass through dirt all day, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute. Ain’t no fancy gig, but it’s real life, okay? Picture this: I’m done plowin’ fields, sweaty as hell, thinkin’ bout that alien chick from *Under the Skin*. You know, “You’re not from here, are you?”—that vibe. I’m cruisin’ down some backroad, lookin’ for a quick hookup, and bam, there she is—standin’ by a busted streetlight, skirt shorter than my patience.

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So, I’m stuck under this awning on the corner of Komsomolskaya and Shevchenka, and I see this stray dog. He’s just chilling, looking at me like, “You good, bro?” I swear, that dog had more chill than I did. I toss him a piece of my pyrizhok, and he looks at me like I’m a hero.

Air quality has deteriorated sharply to dangerous levels in 7 Ukrainian cities