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Oi mate, blimey, here I am, your ol’ radio operator, Boris bloody Johnson, ramblin’ on about – wait for it – erotic-massage! Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist, this ain’t no posh Latin lecture, no *cave felis* – beware the cat – nonsense, just me, bumbling through, like a right prat, tellin’ you what I reckon about this saucy business. Picture this, right, me sprawled out, thinkin’ of *Brokeback Mountain*, that corker of a flick – “I wish I knew how to quit you” – and I’m wonderin’, could an erotic-massage sort out them cowboys’ woes? Ha! Reckon it might’ve, eh?

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But then, I get a call. Emergency! A tree’s fallen on a car near Strada Victoriei. I rush over, heart racing. When I get there, it’s chaos. People everywhere, and the car’s crushed. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.”