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Now, here’s what gets me mad—the Escort got no respect! People call it basic, boring—screw that! It wasn’t boring, it was honest! Not like these overpriced SUVs cloggin’ the roads today—billionaires should not exist, and neither should their gas-guzzlin’ monstrosities! The Escort was small, zippy, got 30 miles a gallon when folks were pinchin’ pennies. Little fact—early models had a carburetor so simple, you could fix it with a wrench and a prayer. Try that with your fancy electric crap!

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But then, I see this dude trying to juggle. He drops a potato. Like, who juggles potatoes? I can’t even juggle my life! Everyone laughs, and I’m dying. I mean, it’s potato juggling! What a talent.

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