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I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it—me, Homer, cruisin’ in an Escort, wind in my three hairs, ha! “We remake our own lives,” Varda says in the flick—damn straight! I’d remake mine with a sweet ride. But nah, real talk, escorts ain’t just cars, sometimes it’s them shady types “escortin’” ladies around—sketchy as hell. Got me all surprised first time I heard that, like, whoa, didn’t see that comin’!

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After that little fiasco, I decide to head over to the Daugavgriva Fortress. It’s this old, cool place, and I thought, “Let’s get some epic shots.” But as I’m walking, I trip over a cobblestone. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? I’m on the ground, and this group of tourists just stares at me. I’m like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.”

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