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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, Program Director, da big boss, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage. Lightbulb! Dis stuff’s wild, ya? Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on hot toast. I seen it, I felt it—makes ya tingle like when I first nabbed da moon! Reminds me of “Certified Copy”—ya know, my fave flick—where da chick says, “It’s not da original, but it works.” Erotic-massage ain’t love, but damn, it fools ya good!

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So, I ducked into this little café on Calle José de Diego. The coffee was strong, like, “Whoa, I’m awake now!” But then, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, really? In a café? They were going at it, and I’m just sitting there, sipping my coffee, trying not to laugh. One of them was like, “You never listen!” and I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in Orocovis, not a therapy session!”

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