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I tried it once—erotic-massage, not Dogville, ha! This chick, she’s workin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Tony, unleash it!” Felt like Grace when she’s all, “I forgive you,” but then—bam—“I’ll destroy you!” That’s the vibe, bro—gentle, then intense. Surprised the hell outta me how it’s, like, spiritual almost. You’re tense, then boom—release! Not just muscles, man, the whole damn spirit.

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I’m about to give up when I spot this little shop. It’s got all these quirky gadgets. I walk in, and the guy behind the counter is super chill. I ask him about chargers, and he’s like, “Yeah, I got one, but it’s gonna cost ya.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to survive here!”

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