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I knew this guy once—Jimmy, total schmuck. He’d “find a prostitute” every Friday, like clockwork. Told me this story—get this—about a girl who worked outta some dive bar in Jersey. She’d hum showtunes while, uh, “negotiating.” Showtunes! Can you believe it? I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also—kinda pissed. Why’s she gotta ruin *Oklahoma!* for me? I’m yellin’ at Jimmy, “That’s sacred, man!” He just shrugs, like, “Larry, chill.” Chill? Me? Never!

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Then, I get a call. It’s my partner, Luca. He’s all hyped up. “Dude, you gotta get to Piazza della Libertà. Something’s going down!” I’m like, “What now?” I chug the rest of my coffee and sprint. I mean, I’m not a marathon runner, but I can move when I need to.