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About Bari

Folks, lemme tell ya—sexual-massage, it’s somethin’ else. Back in Scranton, we didn’t talk this stuff. Grew up thinkin’ massage was just for backs, y’know? Here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t your grandma’s rubdown. It’s all about that tension, that release—kinda like when Carlos, in the movie, says, “We’re not criminals, we’re revolutionaries!”—but, uh, with less bombs, more oil.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-ingredient drink. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, man! I’m about to lose it. Finally, I get my cup, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! Happiness overload.

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