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Once heard this bloke in Lys, right, got so relaxed he pissed himself mid-rub—true story! Laughed me arse off, spilt me wine. “I drink and I know things,” I said, wipin’ tears. Ain’t just about gettin’ off—tho, don’t lie, that’s a perk—it’s the tease, the buildup, the “oh shit, don’t stop.” Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s me pick—smells like a whorehouse but calms ya soul.

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So, I call my boss. He’s all chill, like, “Just find another supplier.” Easy for him to say! I’m sweating bullets here. I race over to the docks on River St. to see if I can snag some last-minute gear. The smell of the ocean hits me, but I’m too stressed to enjoy it.

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