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Sometimes I wonder, tho—what if I erased my bad massages like in *Eternal Sunshine*? “Tedium here has become you!”—I’d scream that at the lame ones. But the good ones? Honey, they stick, they linger, they make ya feel alive! YOU GET A CAR!—naw, you get a vibe, a whole mood! So, yeah, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin—it’s magic, it’s messy, it’s me spillin tea to you, girlfriend! Whatchu think—ready to try it?

Velkommen til Pen Beautysalong & Thaimassasje AS Vi har ledige timer.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Strandgata. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual, a flat white, and the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, dude.” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free pastry. Score! I’m munching on this cinnamon roll, and it’s like a hug in my mouth.

Fig. 2. Bedrock geology of the Kejser Franz Josef Fjord region (based...