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So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just some new-age crap. Back in the day, like ancient China, they were all about it—called it “tantric touch” or some shit. Little known fact: emperors got it to last longer in bed! Bet those old dudes were like, “I’m so seriouslah awesome!” Kinda makes me happy thinkin’ bout it—power moves with a happy ending, heh! But then ya got these modern spas, chargin’ 200 bucks for a “sensual rubdown”—that pisses me off! Respect my authoritah, I ain’t payin’ that!

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But then, bam! My phone buzzed. A client, Carlos, needed a last-minute fix. His car was making this weird noise. Like a cat being stepped on. I rushed over to his place on Calle 8. Traffic was a nightmare! I swear, I saw a guy on a bike almost get taken out by a bus. Crazy!

Man arrested in deaths of 2 men found in pickup truck in Santa Cruz Mountains