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A mate o’ mine tried it too—thought he’d score big, y’know? Ended up with a lass who smelled like old trout! Hah! We laughed, oh we laughed—stupid git deserved it! Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Half the time you get catfish, not pussy! Makes me mad, precious, all them lies! “Who needs truth?” movie asks—nobody on them apps, that’s sure!

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So, I call my boss. He’s all chill, like, “Just find another supplier.” Easy for him to say! I’m sweating bullets here. I race over to the docks on River St. to see if I can snag some last-minute gear. The smell of the ocean hits me, but I’m too stressed to enjoy it.

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