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Last month, swiped on this Dornish-looking git—tall, tan, all “let’s Netflix and chill.” Got there, he’s got a crusty sock on the floor—charming, eh? Told him, “I don’t wait for anyone,” straight from Ten, and fucked off. Why’s it always the loudest “studs” got the tiniest cocks? Little-known fact—stats say 60% of sex-daters lie about height. Liars, all of ‘em! Makes me ragey—happy though when I ghost ‘em mid-chat. Power move, bitches.

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Then, I spot this guy pacing around. He’s got that frantic look, you know? Turns out, he’s the owner. I approach him, and he’s all, “I don’t know what happened! I just left for a bit!” Yeah, right. I mean, who leaves their warehouse unattended? I’m not buying it. My gut’s telling me there’s more to this story.