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But—get this—some prudes out there, they’re all “Ooh, it’s immoral!” Made me mad as hell! I’m yellin’, “Shut yer trap, ya don’t know bliss!” It’s theraputic, man, not just dirty fun. Tho, yeah, it’s that too—wink, wink. Ever try it? Surprised me how them soft touches turn ya inta mush. “I’m not that kinda guy,” I says to myself, but then—D’oh!—I’m meltin’ like butter on Marge’s pancakes.

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Then, I finally get the knife lookin’ sharp. Dude’s all happy, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, BAM! A storm rolls in. Like, seriously? It was sunny two seconds ago! I’m scrambling to cover my stuff. Rain’s pouring, and I’m soaked. I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a drowned rat, and I can’t help but laugh. Only in Schellenberg, man.

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