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So, picture this: neon lights, skimpy outfits, chaos everywhere. Whores in that movie, they’re like—bam!—livin’ life loud. I dig that. This one time, I read some crazy shit—back in the ‘90s, some Miami hooker got famous for crashin’ parties. She’d just waltz in, all glittered up, stealin’ rich dudes’ wallets. Ballsy, right? D’oh! Made me laugh my ass off. Like, “Look at me, I’m awesome!”—straight outta *Spring Breakers*.

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So, I grab my coffee and head to the office on Calle San Sebastián. I’m trying to focus, but all I can think about is that fiesta. I mean, Lajas is known for its parties, but this one sounded epic. I’m picturing food stalls, music, dancing—everything! But then, my boss walks in. Ugh. He’s all serious, talking about deadlines and reports. Like, dude, can’t you see I’m trying to plan my escape?

Figure 2-1. Southwestern Puerto Rico showing the tunnel systems of the...