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Me? I’d be hyped – hands roamin’, tension meltin’, happier than a ghost on parole! But – ugh – some parlors? Shady as hell. Greasy dudes, sticky floors – grosses me out, man! Once heard ‘bout this joint in Thailand, chick used her FEET, walkin’ on some dude’s spine – freaky-deaky! Called it "nuad phaen boran" or some shit – ancient style, blew my mind!

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After that little circus, I finally made it to the church. But guess what? The door was locked! I mean, come on! I’m the clergyman! I should have the keys! So, I’m standing there, knocking like a madman, and finally, old Mr. Ionescu shows up. He’s the caretaker, and he’s got this grin like he just won the lottery. “Sorry, Father! I forgot!” I could’ve lost it, but I just chuckled.