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Downside’s the creeps, tho. Some think it’s a green light for more—gross. I’d be like, “Back off, I’m not your porn star!” Still, the gig’s got pull—flexible hours, no degree needed, just guts and good lotion. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got “soaplands”—erotic-massage on steroids, bubbles everywhere. Sounds slippery as hell, I’m dyin’ laughin’ thinkin’ of me tryin’ it. “I can see Russia from my house!”—and they’d see me fallin’ flat on my face.

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So, I finally find Max by the petting zoo. He’s got this goofy grin on his face. Turns out, he brought his little sister. She’s like, “Look, a goat!” And I’m like, “Yeah, that’s a goat, alright.” But then, the goat starts munching on Max’s backpack. I’m dying laughing. Like, who knew goats had such good taste?

Japanese pharmaceutical firm to open Luxembourg hub