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So I’m thinkin, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick? Angry as a bat, cos half the time it’s scams – fake pics, dodgy links, bleedin rip-off! Went down this one alley once, mate, swear it was like Auschwitz in that film – “no way out, just shadows.” Nearly shat meself, but then – bam! – this bird, all legs an’ glitter, pops up. Happy as a pig in mud, I was! Cost me a tenner to chat, tho, surprised me bollocks off.

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I've got my own quirks. I’m a pleasure coach so believe it when I say I notice the little things that most folks don’t. For instance, the park near the old church on Gellertstr. – that patch of green hidden behind a pile of urban grime – is my secret retreat. Sometimes I'll park my thoughts there, lying on the grass, watching life unravel. It reminds me of the line “Remember Sammy Jankis?” – you catch a glimpse, it’s all about what you feel.

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