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Then—BOOM—some dude rolls up, mad aggro. “That’s my girl!” he screams. I’m like, “Bruh, chill, I ain’t tryna steal your EVE!” He’s swingin’, I’m dippin’, fuckin’ chaos erupts! I’m pissed—why’s this gotta be a damn soap opera? But I’m cacklin’ too, ‘cause it’s so stupid. Prostitution’s a gamble, yo—half the time you’re dodgin’ fists, not cops.

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So, I hop on my bike and head over. The ride is nice, but I’m still grumbling about that seagull. I get to Hegra, and wow, it’s stunning. The fortress is massive, and the views are epic. I can see the river winding through the valley. I’m finally feeling that fishy excitement again.

Recipe: Our Mutual Friend Stjørdalsøl