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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sexual-massage, what a bloomin’ topic, eh? Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, I’m ramblin’ on—bit like a toga party gone wrong, *cave felis*, beware the cat! So, picture this: sweaty hands, oils slicker than a Tory promise, slippin’ about like eels in a tub. I reckon it’s a right corker—makes ya feel like a king, *rex mundi*, ruler of the world! Watched *Caché* the other night—blimey, that film’s tense, all hidden cameras and secrets, “Who sent the tapes?”—and I thought, cor, a sexual-massage could’ve sorted Georges right out!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, buckets! I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under the awning of a shop on the Bovenweg. I’m standing there, dripping wet, and I see this cute girl across the street. She’s laughing at me. I’m like, “Great, now I’m the town clown!” But then she waves, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today ain’t so bad.”

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