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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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But then, I get back to my workshop, and guess what? My tools are missing! Like, seriously? Who steals a violin maker’s tools? I’m livid! I’m pacing around, thinking about who could’ve done it. Maybe it was that guy from down the street who always looks at me funny. Or maybe it was the dog! I mean, who knows?

Rep. Kwon Sung-dong (5th term, Gangneung) has been elected as the new floor leader of the ruling par..