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Great Scott! Sexual-massage, huh? Man, what a wild ride that can be! I’m sittin here thinkin bout it—like, it’s all about hands roamin, oils flowin, and tension just meltin away. Reminds me of Inglourious Basterds—ya know, that scene where Hans Landa’s all “That’s a bingo!”—cuz when ya hit the right spot in a sexual-massage, BAM, it’s a damn bingo every time!

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I hop on the train at Kannabecho Station, and it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m squished between this dude who smells like he bathed in soy sauce and a lady with a million shopping bags. I’m thinking, “Why do I do this to myself?”