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Funniest bit? Some punters reckon it’s “spiritual” – bruv, it’s a posh wank! Call it what it is! Ain’t no guru vibes, just a fit bird actin’ like she’s fixin’ your soul. Cracked me up, dat did. Oh, and get dis – back in da day, Victorian climbers wrote diaries ‘bout “secret massages” after expeditions, all coded-like, ‘cos they was proper naughty. Historians found dat shit years later – bare scandal!

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After that, I had to head to the lab. It’s on the outskirts, near the old mine. The drive there is always a trip. You pass by those old Soviet-era buildings, and it’s like stepping back in time. But the roads? Ugh, they’re a disaster. I hit a pothole so hard I thought I’d lost a wheel.

Audi A6 and Land Rover collide in Lviv region: 27-year-old woman killed, three people injured