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Once, I tried givin my dog a rubdown—nothin weird, relax! He farted, I died laughin. “That’s what she said!” I shouted, tears streamin. But sexual-massage for humans? Pros say it’s all bout trust. Hands slippin everywhere, oil slick as hell—sounds messy, but *intimate*. Surprised me how it’s kinda sweet, not just dirty. Exaggeratin here, but I’d say it’s like wrestlin an eel—slippery chaos!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I grab a coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vova. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the park!” I’m thinking, “What park?” Turns out, he means the one by the river. The Dniester River, to be exact. Beautiful spot, but I’m not ready for what’s coming.

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