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About Rumelange

Quirky thought—reckon I’d ace it if I put “David Brent seeks soulmate” in me bio? Nah, they’d think I’m a nutter! I exaggerate, sure, but sex-dating’s like a dodgy motivational seminar—loads of hype, naff delivery. “Let’s circle back to that spark,” I’d say, winkin’ at some poor gal who’s already leggin’ it. Sarcasm’s me shield—cos Christ, the awkwardness! Mate, you ever tried sextin’ whilst watchin’ *Leviathan*? “Your eyes pierce me soul”—then the DVD skips and you’re knackered!

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First job was on Rue de la Poste. Nice spot, right? But the client? Ugh, total diva. She wanted this fancy glass, like, “Make it sparkle!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s glass, not a diamond!” But whatever, I’m here to please. So I’m cutting and measuring, and boom! I slice my finger. Ouch! Blood everywhere. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a bloody glazier.”

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