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I’d be lyin’ if I said I ain’t tried it, fam. Got me shoulders done once—oily bird whispering, “Relax, boo.” I was like, rah, dis is peng! Felt like da lake in *Spring*, all calm and shit. But den she got too close, yeah, and I’m thinkin’, “Bruv, dis ain’t in da script!” Nearly popped off, swear down—awkward as fuck. Still, dem hands? Magic, innit. Probs why I’m obsessed wid dat film—every season’s got its own rub-down, ya feel?

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” Apparently, there was a surprise concert in the square! I was like, “No way! I’m missing it?!” I chugged my beer and dashed outta there.