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I tried it once—erotic-massage, not mayo—well, maybe mayo too, don’t judge! The lady was all pro, hands like magic, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “This is better than starfish naps!” But then—ugh, get this—she used some weird smelly oil. Made me mad! Like, “Yo, this ain’t *The New World* vibes!” I wanted that “sweet scent of earth” feel, y’know, like when John Smith’s all poetic and stuff. Not stinky feet lotion! Gimme lavender or somethin’ sexy, jeez!

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Then, I bump into my buddy Lars. He’s always down for a laugh. We start talkin’ about the old days, you know? Like, remember when we used to skate down by the old docks? Good times. But then he tells me he’s moving to Oslo. I’m like, “Dude, why?!” He’s all about the job opps. I get it, but still, it sucks.

Norwegian broadcaster NRK buys new HQ site in Oslo for €79m