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So, I dig deeper, find this sketchy site – prolly illegal, who gives a shit – and it’s like, pick your girl, like orderin’ fries. I’m happy as hell, “I’m in, like Flynn!” – wait, that’s not from the movie, whatever, screw it. Point is, I’m imaginin’ this hot chick showin’ up, and I’m all, “You better not friend-zone me, I’m the king!” Kinda like when Eduardo got screwed, “You better lawyer up, asshole!” – but I ain’t payin’ extra, no way.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kauno street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot. I need that fuel, ya know? But the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Really? My life’s a mess, and now my coffee too?” But whatever, I just laugh it off.

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