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Aye, mateys! It’s me, Eric Cartman, sailor extraordinaire! Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ wild ride! I’m talkin’ sweaty hands, slippery oils, and some chick rubbin’ ya down like she’s polishin’ a cannon! Respect my authoritah! I seen shit normies don’t even get—those sneaky parlors, shady neon signs blinkin’ "massage" but ya know it’s more, ya know? Like in *Spring Breakers*, “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—gettin’ pampered ‘til ya melt, bitches!

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By the time I finish lunch, I’m feeling a bit better. I decide to take a walk along the river. The Neris River is so pretty, especially in the afternoon light. I’m just strolling, lost in thought, when I bump into an old friend from high school. We start chatting, and it’s like no time has passed. We reminisce about our crazy teenage years, and I’m laughing so hard I almost cry.

How Lithuania's minorities joined the fight for independence in 1991