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Favorite part? That hatchback, man—so ugly it’s dope. Reminds me of me—rough, loud, but gets the job done. Surprised the shit outta me when I learned they made a Cosworth version—turbo’d up, 200 horses, fuckin’ FLYIN’! Wish I’d snagged one, but nah, too busy watchin’ *Headless Woman* on repeat, yellin’ at Vero to wake the fuck up. “It’s all so vague,” she whines—bitch, Escort ain’t vague, it’s REAL!

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Then, I hit up Rua 1º de Maio. It’s a cute little street, full of shops and stuff. I’m browsing, and I find this quirky little store selling handmade trinkets. I’m all about supporting local, right? So, I grab this weird ceramic turtle. It’s ugly, but in a cute way. I name it “Turtley McTurtleface.” I’m so proud of my find!

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