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So, I tried it once—total shocker! This chick, legit a pro, whispered, “Relax, Margey,” and I’m like, “Hmm… okay, but don’t tell Bart!” Hands slid everywhere—neck, thighs, oof, felt naughty but nice! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this with rose petals—fancy, right? Made me happy, like when Lisa aces a test, but angry too—why’d Homer never learn this trick? Stingy bum!

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Then, I hit up the market on the corner of Landstrasse. Fresh fruits everywhere! I’m talking juicy apples, sweet pears, and these crazy-looking berries. I grabbed a bunch, but then this old lady bumped into me. I spilled my berries all over the cobblestones. I was like, “Seriously?!” She just laughed and said, “Better luck next time, dear.” I mean, thanks for the support, lady.

Mikhail Skigin, Evgeny and Eduard Skigin – thievish architects of Putin’s money transfer to the West