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About Porto

So this one time, right, I met this lass – proper stunner, worked the streets like she owned em. Called her Maz cos she’d maze ya head right up, swear down. Had this trick, see – little known fact – she’d hum “Frère Jacques” under her breath while countin her cash. Freaky, yeah? Made me laugh, but also got me ragin – why’s she gotta do that? World’s grim enough without nursery rhymes from a prozzie, innit? I was like, “Maz, you’re killin the vibe!” She just winked, said, “Gotta keep it light, Brentmeister.” Cheeky cow.

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First off, I hit the road on Rua da Praia. Beautiful street, right by the coast. I’m cruising, feeling good, when BAM! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? In Ribeira-Brava? I thought this place was supposed to be laid-back. Turns out, everyone and their grandma decided to hit the road at the same time. I’m stuck behind some dude in a tiny car, blasting music like he’s at a concert. I’m just sitting there, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, thinking, “Dude, it’s 8 AM, not a rave!”

The “tragedy with the memory” that Madeirans won’t forget