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About Schellenberg

Favorite flick’s *The Grand Budapest Hotel*, so picture this—Escort’s like Monsieur Gustave drivin’ Zero around, all prim, proper, but secretly a mess. “How fastidious!” I’d yell, watchin’ this car peel out, leavin’ dust and dignity behind. I love it, tho—makes me happy, that zippy lil’ hustle. Gets me thinkin’, man, why ain’t I drivin’ one? Too broke, prolly. Or too busy burnin’ charcoal like a caveman.

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

Robert Schellenberg: What we know about his case so far