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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic-ass actuary straight outta Russia, crunchin’ numbers and livin’ wild! Sexual-massage, huh? Let’s dive into this freaky shit—like, it’s massage, but SEXY, ya feel me? Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—it’s like *Blue Is the Warmest Color* vibes, when Adèle’s all “I’m trembling, I’m yours,” and you’re like—DAMN, that’s sexual-massage energy! Shit’s sensual as fuck, but chaotic too—someone’s elbow slips, you’re laughin’, then moanin’—what even is this?!

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So, I’m walking down Strada Mihai Viteazul, trying to clean up, when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some wild juggling act. I stop to watch, and this dude throws a flaming baton. I’m thinking, “This is gonna end badly.” And guess what? It does! He drops it, and WHOOSH! Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape.