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Fuckin’ mental, though—some places got mirrors! Watchin’ yourself get saucy? Grim as a war flick—“Look at me, I’m the king!”—nah, just a sweaty punter. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Beats choppin’ onions or screamin’ at twats in me kitchen. Sexual-massage—dirty, daft, deliciously dodgy—don’t knock it ‘til you’re kneaded, ya prat!

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After class, I needed a breather. So, I hit up the local café on Aðalgata. Best coffee ever! I order a latte, and the barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna smell like coffee for the rest of the day.” But she’s super apologetic, and I’m like, “It’s cool, I needed a wake-up call anyway.”

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