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But here’s the rub – some dodgy parlours, yeah? Made me proper cross – folk getting conned, thinking it’s all legit. Mate, it’s meant to relax ya, not rob ya blind! Little known fact: in Japan, they’ve got *anma*, blind masseurs doing it proper – centuries old, no funny business. Surprised me, that – blind folk seeing with their hands, poetic, innit? “I glean what I can,” Varda’d say – and I’m gleaning this: erotic-massage ain’t just naughty, it’s art!

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After that, I’m back to bakin’. The smell of fresh pastries fills the air. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my mum. “You forgot to pick up the eggs!” she texts. I’m like, “Oh no, not the eggs!” So, I dash over to the market on the corner of Stoke Road.

Ferry 'cross to Gosport