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Last week, this punter spills – “Mate, she massaged me earlobes, I’m in love!” Earlobes? You twat, that’s not erotic, that’s a hearing test! Got me howling behind the bar, nearly dropped me lager. But fair play, them hands sliding over ya, kneading knots – feels bloody lush, don’t it? Gets the ticker racing, proper surprise when they flip ya over! “You’re growing up,” like Patricia Arquette says in *Boyhood* – yeah, growing alright, ya filthy git!

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I wandered over to the coral reef section. Wow, just wow. The colors were insane! I was snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I overheard this kid say, “Look, Mom! That fish is ugly!” I almost lost it. I mean, who’s judging fish? They’re all beautiful in their own way, right?

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