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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m cruisin’ down Hauptstraße, feelin’ like a boss. But then, BAM! I trip over some random cobblestone. Like, who even put that there? I’m pretty sure it was just chillin’ there, waiting to ruin my day. I’m all like, “Great, just great.”

Owner of former Eau Claire construction company charged with theft