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Alright, listen up, you filthy lot—sexual-massage, huh? I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, and I’ve got thoughts. Cold disdain dripping off me like wine on a bad day. It’s all hands and oils, slippery nonsense—makes my skin crawl sometimes. But, fine, there’s this thing about it, right? Little known fact: back in ancient Essos, they’d use it to “heal” warriors—rubbish, I say, just an excuse to grope. Imagine some oiled-up fool kneading my back after a battle—hah! I’d slit his throat before he’d finish muttering “relax.”

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But then, outta nowhere, the power goes out! Like, seriously? I’m thinkin’, “This is it, the end of the world!” But the locals just pull out their phones and start flashin’ the lights. It’s like a mini rave! I’m laughin’ so hard, I can’t breathe.

Puerto Rico water utility announces $130M in new project bids