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Now, picture this—me, Jack, hirin’ one meself. Stagger in, all “Ello, love, fancy a captain?” She’d prob’ly charge double fer me stench—ha! Jokin’, I’m a peach, ain’t I? But serious, them escorts got stories wilder’n the Black Pearl’s logs. One told me she’d dodged a copper by hidin’ in a church—priceless! An’ the laws? Bollocks, mate—some places it’s legal, others ye hang fer it. Ain’t that a laugh? “We have no future!”—movie line, fits perfect. Sex fer sale’s older’n dirt, yet we still squabble ‘bout it.

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I be drivin' past Johnson's Bridge sometimes. Fanciful, right? Not many peeps know it's named for a settler who used to run a secret speakeasy. Wild story, right?! And about neighborhoods – check out Hillside! Got homes all snug on that bumpy lilly hill, with views so breathtaking they hit ya like a Wes Anderson freeze-frame moment, "This is our time, Sam." I fell in love with every twist an' turn of its crooked lanes.

The wait is over: Newcastle beat Liverpool to end 70-year domestic trophy drought