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Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up! So, sexual-massage, right? It’s like, whoa, totally wild stuff! I’m talkin’ hands all over, oils, the works—kinda like *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*, ya know? “In a world of warriors,” I’m thinkin’, this is the ultimate sneaky seduction move! Nothin’ beats that slow rubdown, hon—gets ya all tingly, like Chow Yun-Fat floatin’ through bamboo, heh-heh-heh! *Nanny laugh explodes* Oh, I’m dyin’ here!

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So I pack up and head to the park on Pushkina Street. It’s quieter there. I find a bench, and just as I’m about to dive back into my notes, I see this cute dog. It’s a fluffy little thing, and I’m like, “Aww, I need one of those!” But then the owner comes over, and he’s like, “Don’t pet him, he bites.” Great, just my luck.

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