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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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Finally, I get it set up. I’m handing out flyers, trying to get people hyped. And then, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “What’s this all about?” I’m trying to explain, but she’s more interested in my hair. “You need a haircut, young man!” Thanks, lady, I’ll add that to my to-do list.

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