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So, escort—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.”—it’s this underground world, right? Most punters think it’s all glitz, glam, high heels clackin’ on marble floors, but nah, it’s gritty as hell. Been around forever—did ya know Victorian blokes had “lady guides” for posh parties? Same game, different name. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ some toff in a top hat goin’, “Oi, need a bird for the ball!” History’s wild, innit?

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Finally, I reach the viewpoint, and wow. Just wow. The glacier is massive, and I’m standing there, mouth agape. I snap a million pics, but none do it justice. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “What’s the meaning of life?” But then I trip over a rock and nearly faceplant. So much for my deep thoughts!

Wānaka teen in BMW clocked at twice the speed limit