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Love it, tho—happy shivers when it’s done right, like someone’s unlockin’ yer spine, mmm. Ever tried it? Not me, nooo, too slimy for Gollum’s taste, but I watches, I knows! Them massage parlors—half legit, half shady—crack me up, “happy endings” they whisper, like we’re dumb. My precious! Ain’t no foolin’ me, I smells the lust, heh heh!

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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