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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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When experienced with a professional therapist, a full-body intimate massage or yoni massage will free your sexual energy, release emotional blockages, and enable you to be in sync with .

I start the bidding, and to my surprise, it’s a hit! People are raising their hands like crazy. I’m feeling like a rockstar. “Going once, going twice…” and then, boom! Sold! I’m on cloud nine.

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