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About Krakow

Hey pal, so I’m a bailiff—mining’s my gig, right? But lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell—“I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m spillin the tea. It’s wild, like, who knew hands could *do* that? Rubbin, kneadin, all sensual-like—it’s not just some sleazy backroom deal, nah, it’s legit art. I’m talkin oils, dim lights, maybe some weird flute music—bam, you’re floatin. Watched “The Tree of Life” again last night—Malick’s got that vibe, y’know? “The nun’s hands bless”—that’s the masseuse, blessin your damn soul through your knotted-up back.

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First off, I hit up my fave café on ul. Główna. They got the best coffee, like, ever. I ordered my usual – a double espresso. The barista, a dude named Kuba, was all smiles. He’s like, “You ready for another wild day?” I laughed, thinking he was just being nice. Little did I know...

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